I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
