Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
