I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
