The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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