Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
