If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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