hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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