Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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