I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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