My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
