...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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