My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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