I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
