my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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