We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
