Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
