Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
