I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
