just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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