the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
