We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
