I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
