I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My dick has a subreddit
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
