We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
