So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
