i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
