Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
