I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
