I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
