whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
