Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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