According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am available for nakedness
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize