Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Someone came in the potted fern
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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