he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
