dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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