I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
