I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
