At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I look better un-naked...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
