So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You pole danced in your parka.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
