i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
