just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
