i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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