literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
