Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
