drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
