im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
if only i could text you this smell
someone owes me an orgasm
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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