Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
