I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
