I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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