The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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