you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
