I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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